6-Months & Counting: Where Has The Time Gone? Cary Apr 14th
Well, believe it or not, next week will mark a full six months since the death of my lovely wife Lori at the age of just 31.
While it’s been a helluva’ roller coaster ride, I’d very much like to thank those of you who’ve stuck with me through this most trying of times.
I suppose it’s safe to say that while I will never be the person I was before cancer entered my life and I was forced to say goodbye to my wife one last time, I’ve come a long, long way in these last few months.
I’m proud to announce that last week I finished up the grueling 14-week Grief Workshop I had been attending, and with this accomplishment has come a whole new appreciation for life, love, and of course guitars.
In fact, for the first time since my wife’s diagnosis over five years ago, these days I actually find myself waking up with a smile on my face––something so simple, and yet so foreign to me through the long fight against both terminal illness and the grief that followed.
The numerous e-mails and comments of support from you all have been a true blessing for me, and I really do appreciate you sticking it out.
I am well aware that for many months now EGR has been inundated with “News” type posts, as that was all I was really able to pull off during my darkest days of mourning.
And while I know that many of you fellow gearheads love to keep up with what’s going on with the latest product announcements, there’s no doubt in my mind that the blog has suffered from its lack of in-depth guitar reviews.
I apologize for that, and will aim to fix the situation as I get back into the swing of things over the next few weeks.
There is one thing for certain though, and I think it’s something you will all be able to understand…
Without my beloved guitar, I never would have made it through.
Thank God for music.
And thank God for guitars.
Thanks again,
-Cary
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Howdy! Care to Comment?
April 14th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
Hey Cary,
I think your recent posts and reviews have been good. Not as frequent, understandably, but very good! You’re still managing to keep Eastwood on the map too ;)))!!
jp
April 14th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Hehe… thanks JP.
Some anonymous commenter ripped me a new one over the weekend, and while he was far ruder than he needed to be, it made me realize that for anyone new cruising into this site (ie, those who don’t know my backstory,) the lack of reviews probably makes you wonder why the blog is even called “Electric Guitar Review” in the first place.
I figured a Thank You/Explanation was in order… but thank you for the kind words, my friend, and for all of the support!
April 14th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Hey Cary,
I’m amazed at how some people just expect things based on their schedules and their wants. I’ve missed your frequent updates but certainly understand why they are less frequent. It makes the anticipation that much greater when you do provide news.
The fact that you have this blog out of love of guitars and playing them is very much appreciated by your devoted fans. There was never a need for you to provide an explanation but it was good to know the positive progress you’re making. Whenever you’re able to post one of your first class articles, it will be always be appreciated.
Stay Classy!
Gary
April 14th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
You are doing a great job, man.
I’m glad that you have had your outlets to keep moving forward. And you are right, the world is a much better place with music. Peace!
Mike
April 14th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
Hi Cary
I was really impressed that you’ve been able to keep the blog going and I am so not trying to sound patronizing when I say that. I don’t know how I would have coped in your situation. You know, after your loss I felt that didn’t like to click through to your blog because it felt like I was intruding, that I was somehow expecting you to deliver when of course you should have been grieving. One day I was idly clicking through my favourite guitar blog links and saw that you’d started posting again. Like you say, the guitar - and music - can be a great healer.
A few years ago I suffered a mental breakdown. I’m not trying to compare this with your loss - it doesn’t compare - but it felt like my universe had collapsed at the time. To start with I was totally unable to even think of listening to music, much less pick up a guitar. But as time passed the lure of the guitar was too much. I had a box of spare parts - bits and pieces I’d been buying off eBay and hoarding - and I decided that I was going to marry up the parts from two broken Danelectro U2 guitars and make myself one complete instrument. It was hardly the most complex guitar project ever undertaken by anyone, but for me in the mental condition I was in at the time, it was an outstanding achievement and I was really proud of myself for doing it. For me, that was a major breakthrough in my own healing process. Sometimes I catch myself thinking that I really ought to sell that guitar, but part of me says No, because I remember what it took for me to put it together.
Gavin
April 14th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
Congrats on hangin on there!
It is anything but easy. I know. I lost a daughter to cancer in 91’ and still grieve whenever I think about it and all the consequences. It never quite leaves you nor should it. After many years sometimes the grief seems to be the only remaining memory but you have to honor the loved one passed on.
But there is still joy, life and love to be found.
God inspired someone to invent guitars and what can we do without music in the world? All the sorrow and hurt and death and loss would go unsung and remain just ugly.
As Diamond so aptly put it, Song sung blue Everybody knows one Song sung blue Every garden grows one
Me and you are subject to the blues now and then But when you take the blues and make a song You sing them out again Sing them out again
Song sung blue Weeping like a willow Song sung blue Sleeping on my pillow
Funny thing, but you can sing it with a cry in your voice And before you know, start to feeling good You simply got no choice
I’m more a rocker than a blueser but man can I dig those lyrics.
If hadn’t had my guitar and faith … who knows
Keep on playing your heart out - it will come back to you in songs that touch the hearts of other sorrowful souls.
“Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.” - Psa 126
April 14th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
Cary - I have to second your recognition to the healing (helping?) power of a guitar. Right now I’m doing chemotherapy, and about 6 weeks ago I bought myself my absolute dream guitar—a Gretsch 6120BS. People around me thought I was nuts spending that kind of money at a time like this but, well, every time I sit down to play it, every time I see it, I know that it’s exactly what I needed at “a time like this.” Anyway, thanks so much for sharing a little bit of your life with us. I don’t know you at all, but it really has meant a lot.
Jordi
April 14th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
Cary,
First, anyone who chooses to be rude, but doesn’t have the balls to identify himself. doesn’t even deserve the time of day. Tell him to stick it up his a**.
Second, this blog, along with tubefreaks.net, have become essential parts of my daily ritual. I truly enjoy the chance to share opinions and chat with others that share my love for guitar. When you don’t post for a while, I worry about you and hope you’re doing OK, but I sure as hell don’t get mad at you.
Third, your story, along with those from jordi, Gary and others, are incredibly sad and moving, and they are also amazingly REAL. We all face adversity in our lives, but some definitely face more than their fair share. And I’m convinced my wife is right when she says the good Lord only gives those kind of challenges to those who are strong enough to handle them.
So, as far as I’m concerned, I don’t ever want you to apologize for anything you do or do not post on this blog. I’ll visit this site once a day whether you post daily, weekly, or monthly, because in time I know you’ll be here when you’re ready.
By the way, does anyone else play guitar while they visit this site? I have my 90s MIJ Fender Tele Custom reissue on my lap as I’m typing this, and I have to tell you, those last two chords I played sounded damn good!
Rock on,
Tom (aka Badger809)
April 15th, 2008 at 4:12 am
I haven’t commented before but have always enjoyed reading your posts, please keep writing and keep up the good work, and as many have already said - really pleased and impressed that you have kept the site going.
April 15th, 2008 at 4:18 am
Hey Cary,
You and your sites are an inspiration to a lot of people out there. You’ve built a great worldwide community of music/guitar lovers. When someone truly takes the time to look at the incredible resources on this site and comes to the realization that you’ve kept it going through everything you’ve been through, its nothing short of a miracle.
On the anonymous poster, I’m reminded of a quote (paraphrased) from Gene Simmons….”when the crowd of people are cheering you on and one guy puts you down in the middle of it….what do you remember?” Cary, you can rest assured that there are a lot more people cheering you on.
Cheers, Rick (adaptable)
April 15th, 2008 at 5:09 am
I have always loved your site, even the news posts! You remain a regular daily visit in my attempts to surf the web at work. Your words about music and life are as true as true can be. I attended a talk by Oliver Sacks, a world famous neurologist, about the neuroscience of music, and he basically agrees. Music really does grab something at the core of us. The feelings that it engenders in us are something unique and unlike anything else in human emotion. It’s a beautiful thing. I would ask my guitar what her secret is for doing something so amazing, but she only speaks the blues! haha. Cheers and continue to rock!
-Justin
April 15th, 2008 at 7:23 am
I’m thanking God for cool people like you, Cary. It’s always a delight to bring up your webpage, read your reviews, and catch a glimpse of another unbelievably great guitar. Pavlov has his dog but my reflex involves the hand reaching for the wallet (down, boy, down). Cary, doing what you do despite the indescribable pain you had to go through, well, you’ll always have my respect and admiration. Wishing you the Very Best and thanks for being there for all of us. John
April 15th, 2008 at 7:41 am
Keep it real Cary! So good to hear that you’re taking care of yourself and doing things to go through the grief process and build a good foundation to get through this life changing season. As always, I wish you the best and anything I can do to help in any way, just let me know.
IG
April 15th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Today marked 6 months after the passing away of my grandfather, who I miss dearly. He had pancreatic cancer. I agree with you, if it wasn’t for music, we’d all be out of our minds by now. It’s really a good form of therapy
April 15th, 2008 at 6:35 pm
I agree with all the comments here. 4 years ago after the sudden death of my beloved father at 59 and my marriage ending shortly afterwards, I found myself lost at 37 years of age. I went through counselling, smoking too many cigarettes and going back out with friends drinking but it was an all too empty way to pass the time. I thought, it is time to do something for me, so I bought an acoustic guitar; then a new Fender Strat, then another guitar and another, and another all the while taking lessons. Then I decided to put my woodworking and science/mathematical background to work and built my own electric guitar; one of the most satisfying projects I have ever done in my life. And I continually buy and sell guitars because they facinate me with their sounds and beauty. I think I am up to about 30 but have settled on the 4 that I now have, along with my home built Gretsch FilterTron and Bigsby loaded Fender Frankenstein Tele-Stratocaster. This is a passion for life that I wish I took up 20 years ago, but I probably wouldn’t have appreciated it like I do now. I have had to go through a lot to give me the impetus to try something new and it has had an immense power over me to heal and motivate. Like many others, I visit this site every day along with many other guitar sites while at work, hoping Cary is okay, anxious to hear about the latest guitar or just about the progress he is making in this crazy thing we call life. If he writes or reviews a little or a lot, it doesn’t matter, but I have seen, through his patterns of writing that he is slowly getting back on track in his life. Cary, I know what you are going through and you have done all the right things for yourself at your own pace and it is a great sign that you are recognizing the healing within yourself; you are well on your way. Cheers to you and all who post here and support you and for our common love of the electric guitar.
April 16th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
Cary,
Even without the in depth reviews, this site has still been wonderfully informative to me. As soon as I discovered this site it became my “go to” for any questions that pop in my had as a new musician. Even at your worst, you’re still way better than most!
I’m glad you’ve been able to recover from your tragedy to the point you have and wish you the best in the future. Thank you for all you help.
And hey, if people don’t like the work you do here they can stuff it. It’s not like we pay you.